Discipline comes from the root word meaning to learn. What does your children learn in the process of positive discipline?  Discipline is not simply punishment. Positive discipline is learning to control one’s own behavior.

Punishment tells your children what not to do. Discipline tells them what to do. Children learn better ways to behave. They learn to direct their energies towards positive, rather than negative activities. They learn how to cooperate with others.

The goal of discipline is to teach our children to make better choices. Positive discipline is an approach to guide our  children to develop self-discipline, responsibilities, problem solving skills and cooperation.  

Love and mutual respect should be cornerstones of your relationship with your children. Using force to discipline your children can seriously harm the foundation of your loving relationship.

Many literature points out that positive discipline approach is powerful in helping children to learn constructively, happily, healthily and effectively.

Use positive disciplinary techniques

Knowing how to discipline your children is an essential parenting skill to master. Children need to be taught about right and wrong.  Every child has different developmental levels. You have to find a style of discipline that work for you.  

Set a good example, be a good role model. Your children learn a lot from watching you. Therefore, it is important to do what you try to teach them.

Discipline requires consistency, so you must establish rules and stick with them.  Positive discipline techniques teach your children how to behave and encourage respect.  These tactics must be age-appropriate.

* Discipline involves learning acceptable behaviors.

* The best way to guide positive behavior is to set clear expectations.  

* Set clear boundaries, as to what is allowable and what is not.

* Respecting boundaries and self-control.

* Discipline should also focus on the good behaviors.

* Reward for good behaviors and limitations for bad behaviors.

* Focus on solutions instead of punishment.

* Mutual respect- Kind and firm at the same time

* Effective communication and problem solving skills.

* Help children feel a sense of connection.

* As a contribution member of the family and of society.

What do you do when your children break the rules?

When you discipline your children, it is important to stay calm. Do what is fair. Do something that makes sense and will help your children to learn not to make the same mistake again. For example if your children  write on the wall, have them help to clean up.

You can use these problem-solving steps to help your children think through what happened and figure out how they can help themselves not to make the same mistake again. 

Don't using criticism because criticism will only lower your children's self confidence. They will think that you do not love them.  Avoid physical punishment. Physical punishment will make your children more angry and aggressive.   

Sometimes children need time out to get their actions under control. Approach time-outs as quiet periods for your children to calm down until they can think more clearly and act more thoughtfully. Speak to your children about their misbehavior and explain the desired behavior that will help.

Positive time out teaches your children the valuable life skill of learning to take time to feel what they  feel.  And to calm down until they  can behave in more constructive ways. Encourages children to form positive beliefs about themselves, their world, and their behavior.

In this state of mind, they can learn from their mistakes on how to make amends for any hurt or damage their behavior might have caused.

 Dr. Jane Nelsen, an educational psychologist and the best-selling co-author of a positive discipline series and believes that many inappropriate behaviours can be traced back to the failure to develop the significant “Seven Perceptions and Skills”

The Significant Seven


Three Perceptions:

Perception of personal capabilities - capable of facing problems and learning through challenges and experiences.

Perception of significance in primary relationships - capable of contributing in meaningful ways and believing that life has meaning and purpose.

Perception of personal power of influence over life - capacity to understand that one's actions and choices influence one's life and hold one accountable.

Four Skills

Strong intrapersonal skills - capacity to manage emotions through self-assessment, self-control and self-discipline .

Strong interpersonal skills - capacities necessary to deal effectively with others through communication, cooperation, negotiation, sharing, empathizing, and listening.

Strong systemic skills - capacity for responding to the limits, consequences, and interrelatedness of human and natural systems with responsibility, adaptability, flexibility, and integrity.

Strong judgmental skills - capacity for making decisions and choices that reflect moral and ethical principles, wisdom, and values.

To your parenting success   

Your Guide to Holistic Childhood Education- Holistic Living Wellness for Your Families

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