Good communication is a two-way streets, meaning that listening to your children is just as important as talking to them.   Good communication with your children should start almost as soon as they learn to talk.

Good communication with your children is one of the most rewarding skills that you can develop. When you talk to your children in a calm and caring manner, you let you children know what you expect of them.

You also show them that when you ask them to calm down and control their temper, you are practicing what you preach.  One of the biggest challenges we all face as children get older is keeping a healthy, open relationship.

The key to any relationship is communication. We all know how important it is to talk to the  children, especially about tough issues like bullying, peer pressure, and safety. But it is equally important, perhaps more so, to listen to them. 

Listening to your children and taking an interest in their conversation can bring you closer to them. You can learn their thoughts, and how they are getting on socially, what problems they may be having etc.

The way you communicate with your children is important  

Good communication isn't just about saying ‘nice’ things. It's about being able to talk about all kinds of feelings, anger, embarrassment, sadness or fear.

A lot of behavioral problems among children are caused by the absence of good communication. Children at whatever age,  treasure the opportunity of being able to relate their thoughts and feelings to parents and adults.

Children who are exposed to negative motivation for most part of their lives. They grow up as teens and become disgruntled with their parents for nagging and scolding them every time something goes wrong.

They grow resentful because they feel that they are often falsely accused And this is one of the reasons why teens would rather spend time with their friends.  

They  even confide to their friends rather than with their parents . Because parents judge, condemn and reprimand and their friends do not.

Think about it for a minute, how do we usually discipline our children? Is it in the most nurturing way? Or do we do it with anger? What emotions do you think your children go through as you reprimand them? 

Children don't really remember what you say. They only remember how you make them feel because all memories are dependent on one's emotional state.

As parents, you  have to allow your children to see benefits behind what you are saying. When you discipline them, you do it so that they may benefit. If the message does not go through, then the scolding becomes useless. 

For example, it takes discipline to study.  They may not like it and may even hate it.  But when they can connect relevance to how it can benefit them in the long run, they are more likely to study consistently.  And may even get to like studying, to achieve positive results. 

When children live in happy homes where the communication lines are healthy, they become more open about their feelings, their fears and their anxieties. They tend to reach out, become more open and receptive to the valuable guidance their parents can provide them.

How to communicate effectively with your children

No matter how insignificant the problem your children have may seem to you, it is important to give them proper consideration.

By listening to their problems and helping them work them out. And asking the right questions to enable them to work the problems out for themselves, you are encouraging them to come to you whenever they have problems.

It's  important that they feel like they can go to you when something is wrong. Especially important as your children get older and the issues they face get more difficult and dangerous.

Let your children know your availability

* Make time for meaningful conversations with your children.

* Set aside time whenever your children need to talk.

* Display a genuine interest in their activities.

* Express your availability and following it up with action.

Actively seek out your children in conversation

Look for thoughts from your children that you can truly praise. Smile, agree, and let your children know what you liked about their thoughts.

* Use a pleasant tone of voice.

* If you know they are facing some issues, ask about them

* Be generous with your praise

* If your children didn’t get a perfect score in an exam, do not make them feel bad.

* Instead, praise them for getting a decent grade in a difficult subject

* If you know they failed because of their own neglect, then encourage them to work harder.

* Make sure they understand the consequences of their actions, do not criticize them

Equip with information about your children

* Working parents face the issue of not having enough time to keep tabs on children’s activities.

* You have to know what things your children can be exposed to.

* In knowing these things, you will be able to discuss necessary subjects with them.

Be an active listener

Listen with respect.  Avoid interrupting with your own advice. If you interrupt, your children  may shut down and only tell you what you want to hear. Then you'll be stuck where you started - not knowing what or how your children really thinks.

* Be an active and loving listener.

* Active listening helps children cope with their emotions.

* Let your children finish sentences and avoid interrupting.

* Give them opportunities to express themselves.

* Focus your attention on what they are saying.

* Encourage your children to talk to you.

Do not interrupt your children during conversations.

* Allow your children to answer/respond.

* Give your children the chance for free expression.

* Avoid correcting your children for using the "wrong words."

* If your children are always corrected for the way they speak, they are likely to shut down and clam up.

Nonverbal Communication Techniques

Children learn to communicate and interact with others by mirroring what they see around them. Communicating effectively with your children is not just about what you say to them, but about what they perceive from your behavior.

Facial Expressions

Our faces are very expressive and communicate varied emotions without saying a word. Use your face to communicate better with your children. Sometimes exaggerating your expression slightly can help them read you more easily.

Good Eye Contact

Good eye contact is another important part of nonverbal communication. Give your undivided attention to your children. Sit down and look at your children, while they talk. The way you look at your children can convey love or anger, interest or boredom.

Physical Actions

If your  children are sad or upset, a gentle touch or a hug may let them know you understand those sad feelings. Physical contact is reassuring.

Listening

When your children are  speaking to you, pay attention. Giving your full attention boosts their self-confidence and encourages positive communication. Listening to your children encourage them to pay you the same courtesy when they need to listen to you.

To your parenting success   

Your Guide to Holistic Childhood Education- Holistic Living Wellness for Your Families

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