Helen Law (sharing thoughts)

Most parents know one or two methods of communicating with their children. They are, 'talking nicely' or 'threatening.'  If either of these two methods don't work, they don't know what else to do.

Some parents are so inflexible in their approach that they stick to only one style of parenting. For example, some parents are always nice and accommodating to their children, afraid that if they were firm and strict, they would lose rapport with them.  

These parents are often bullied by their children.  There is a common old saying that children of overindulgent parents will 'climb all over their heads' and be in control of their parents! At the same time, there are parents who are always very tough and strict.

They believe that if they were to be too nice, they would lose their children's respect and they would be out of control.  As a result. their children fear to open up to them and will often hide things from them.

When they grow up, they may become extremely rebellious or they could grow up to become very timid with no initiative and no self confidence. So, which is the correct parenting style? To be nice or nasty? To be fun or firm? 

Successful parenting is about being flexible and knowing how to change your style and approach, depending on the child and the situation.

Highly effective parents can be loving, caring and fun when dealing with their children. At the same time, they can get very firm and strict when their children cross the boundaries.

The secret is not to be too predictable in your style. The moment you are inflexible and predictable, your children will be the ones in control and not you. 

One of the main reason why younger children are able to manipulate their parents so well is because they are much more flexible than their parents.

They are able to constantly change their strategy until they get what they want. So parents need to stay flexible and come up with multiple strategies to handle your children too!

Parents often ask: "Why is it that when our children were younger, they would listen and do as we said. But when they are older, they would listen to their friends?"

The reason, older children (teens) tend to listen and get easily influenced by friends because their friends make them feel accepted.  They feel like they are part of the 'brotherhood' or 'sisterhood'.   

On the other hand, they don't like to listen to their parents because parents tend to make them feel bad.

When children don't feel good about themselves they will not behave well. By understanding children's emotional needs for love, acceptance, recognition and independence, we can direct our children's thoughts and behaviors much more effectively.

Parents will find it much easier to engage the cooperation of your children when you make them feel good about themselves. When we know how to utilize their emotional needs, we can direct them to do almost anything we want.

Children who are self-confident, are not easily influenced by peer pressure. When they feel accepted, loved by their parents, and  feel good about themselves, they don't need to get acknowledgement from their peers.

They would also want the very best for themselves. They would tend to set high goals, have a strong sense of pride and would dare to participate.

When they adopt positive attitudes- 'I think I can, I know I can...' they will have the confidence to bring out the best in themselves.

The Six C's of Successful Parenting

Confidence is a belief in one's own abilities.

Children will respond more positively to a parent with confidence. Stand firm, speak assertively, and know that you are doing the right thing.

Consistency brings a sense of predictability to a child's life.

Let children know what to expect when behavior is not acceptable. Children will learn that misbehavior will  lead to same consequences

Communication must be clear, in order to be effective.

Be approachable and willing to discuss issues without criticism or rejection. Effective communication is essential to successful parenting.

Composure, be patience, calm and control over one's emotions.

Parents must work to take the emotional aspect out of their discipline Children learn to exploit their parent's emotional weaknesses quite effectively. Keep calm and collected, even when things get difficult.

Connectedness means being joined or linked firmly

Spend time with your children. Be caring and compassionate. A healthy bond will lead to a sense of mutual respect which leads to happier parents and better relationship with your children.

Common-sense, ability to make decisions and use good judgment.

Be logical when parenting, not emotional. Choose consequences that are logical and fair, not just easy or convenient.

To your parenting success    

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